On Being an Empath
A lot of my friends and family (myself included) feel other people (and the world) very deeply. Many of us would call ourselves empaths.
Here’s how the dictionary defines “empath”:
empath (n.):
A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.
(Incidentally, it also says that “empath” is a term most often used in science fiction.)
“Paranormal ability” … yeah, it feels like that sometimes. Although it is a far more common state of being than we give it credit for!
So what does it mean to be an empath according to Human Design?
There are nine energy centers in the Human Design chart (the triangle/square/diamond shapes). Each of these centers runs different types of energy. The solar plexus (the sideways triangle on the right-hand side of the chart) is the center that is the home for our emotional energy.
When a center in the Human Design chart is “defined” (colored in) that means that it has consistent patterns of energy. When a center in the chart is “undefined” (white / not colored in) that center has inconsistent energy. Not only that, but it takes in the energy of everyone else and amplifies it.
Traditionally in Human Design, having an undefined emotional solar plexus correlates with being an empath, because you are constantly taking in the emotional energy of everyone around you. Statistically, the human population is pretty balanced here – 50% of people will have the solar plexus defined, and 50% will have it open.
Yeah, you read that right. HALF the human population on this planet are empaths!!
I have an undefined solar plexus. I have always been able to “feel” everyone around me, and it’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life. A lot of times, it makes me want to retreat and just be alone because I get so overwhelmed by other people’s emotional energy.
When I started studying Human Design and I learned that the open centers not only take in the energy of others, but they also AMPLIFY it??? Total “ah-ha!” moment. Because that’s exactly what it’s felt like for me my whole life. No wonder that energy is so overwhelming! I’m feeling other people’s feelings on steroids!!!
My wonderful teacher, Karen Curry Parker, talks about the key to the open solar plexus as learning to “be a screen and not a sponge.” What she means is, don’t absorb that energy and take it into your being and stir your internal pot with it and think it’s yours. Remember: it’s not your energy! The more you can allow that energy to come in and just pass right through you (like the wind through a screen), the easier it will be to work with emotional energy. Feel it, know it’s not yours, become really interested in how it feels – look at it as a master class in emotions! This is how you ultimately become wise about emotions, because you get to try on and experience so many … but you don’t have to get sucked into the drama.
(Admittedly, this is way easier said than done.)
The biggest training ground I have in my life at the moment is my kids. They are 5 and 1.5 and they have BIG emotions. As a parent, I know I am supposed to be the calm port in their storm, a safe space where they can come to experience the struggles of the world and just let it all down. But if I’m being really honest, I often get sucked into the overwhelm they’re experiencing and I do not show up as the calm parent I wish I would. And it’s no wonder! I am taking in their emotional energy and amplifying it!
The more I’ve become aware of this dynamic, the more I’ve been able to work with it. I literally have conversations in my head sometimes like, “Betsy, they are children. These are their emotions. This is not yours. It’s okay. You don’t have to get overwhelmed. Just let them cry and have their feelings. This is not yours. THEY ARE CHILDREN … FOR GOD SAKES DON’T GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP!” You know, classy, grown-up internal monologues like that. And sometimes when I get really overwhelmed, I even have to step away for a moment to breathe, collect myself, and come back to them calmly so I can hold them while they cry and help them find their center again. But I can’t do this for them when I am getting all caught up in the crazy drama that it is to be 5 and almost-2. I can’t be the port in the storm when I’m amplifying all their big childhood feelings. I have to be the screen, not the sponge.
We all have moments like this in our lives. And of all the lessons Human Design has taught me, this is the one I find myself working on the most – failing regularly, and getting back up the next day to try again.
Ultimately, in Human Design our open centers are the places where we are designed to be wise. I am designed to be wise about emotional energy – and so are all my fellow empaths. Our journey is learning to know ourselves separately from the emotional energy of others. We can experience their energy, put it on like a costume, walk around with it and say “huh, that’s interesting, so that’s what this feels like” … and then take the costume off and return to ourselves. Ultimately, we end up with a whole collection of emotional experiences we can draw on to support and guide others as they are moving through the highs and lows of life. Because we literally know how it feels, and yet we are outside of it, so we have the ability to guide another through the peaks and valleys. It’s pretty cool when you think about it.
So if there are any other parents out there who are struggling with the emotional energy of your children, I GET IT. Practice being the screen and not the sponge. When you get overwhelmed, it’s okay to step away. Then step back into the ring and from your own wise, centered place, you can guide them. (Let’s be honest, this holds with adults, too.)
This is a particularly tough time to be an empath in the world.
I don’t know about you, but I feel things deeply on the daily that I think might break me. We are in a hardcore stage of human evolution and it’s intense. Even when I turn off the news or get off Facebook for a while to try to disengage and find my center again, I can still feel it. It’s in the air we breathe right now. We have to take care of ourselves. We cannot be the wise guides of the world if we are overwhelmed, burned out, or curled up in a ball crying in a corner somewhere. Do what you need to do to let that energy move through. Shake it out, meditate, dance naked in your living room, jump in the lake, go for a run, take a long hot bath … then get up and get back in the ring. 50% of the population is right there alongside you. We got this.
Big love,
Betsy