Saying Thank You

The retreat house in Ojo Caliente, NM

I just left a blissful 4-day retreat in Ojo Caliente, NM.

It was the first extended period of time I have had to myself since getting married and having children almost 7 years ago.

As I drove through the desert on the way to the airport to make my way back home to “real life” I found myself wanting to hold onto this magical experience, dreaming about how wonderful it would be if I had just one or two or three more days in this peaceful oasis.

So often we do this, right? We have a positive experience and we just want to hold onto that moment for dear life … as though this is all there is. Like humans wandering in the desert of good experiences and this is our last chance for water for who knows how long … must.take.one.more.sip …

But as we kept driving, I noticed that this desire to grip and hold on was really a fear that I would lose something when I returned home. What exactly? I don’t know … maybe the internal peace and clarity I felt after four days immersed in sisterhood; maybe the feeling of actually being rested for the first time in years; maybe the fullness of being nourished; maybe the ability to move slowly through life and appreciate each moment because there weren’t tiny humans and a mile-long to-do list grabbing for my attention; maybe the quiet and stillness that came with being truly alone; maybe a million other things …

The truth is, nothing lasts forever in this life. It’s a cliché, but everything really does have its season and its time, and then life moves on and shifts and changes. We are not meant to hit a moment where everything suddenly becomes perfect and then it plateaus and everything just stays the same for the rest of our lives.

“The only thing that is constant is change.”  – Heraclitus

And so I decided to just let it be. The whole experience. I got exactly what I needed from those four days. I was returning home to my family nourished and rested. Exactly what I needed. That was the point. My mind was still, my soul was clear. Now I got to go home to my husband and my babies with a full cup. Now I get to see what it feels like to be a partner and a parent from this place, this place of fullness, where I actually have resources to give, after four days of being held and loved myself. What a gift.

And as the landscape passed by, I said something I’ve said over and over every day since then … “thank you.” Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you for this moment.

Thank you for the beauty of this Earth.

Thank you for silence.

Thank you for everything I received that is helping me along my journey in life.

Thank you for the people who were brought into my life by some mysterious magical force to see me and support me in growing into the biggest and best version of my Self.

Thank you for the gift of good food, healing waters, authentic and loving company, and the time and space to sleep and sit in ceremony and listen.

Thank you for the gift of being alive now, capable and willing to give my gifts and my love and my wisdom to make this world a better place for my babies and their babies and all who come after.

Thank you for this life.

Those four days were perfect, exactly as they were. And I trust that there will be more amazing days in my future, as there will inevitably be days of struggle. But it’s all part of the bigger story that makes up my life. That’s the balance that helps me grow. And my days of struggle have helped me appreciate these blissful days so much more.

So I keep going … and along the way, I will keep saying thank you …